Its been a while since I have written. Over a year actually and it’s long overdue.
The reason I stopped blogging was because I found myself becoming frustrated with the fact that my blog wasn’t “perfect.” I found myself comparing it to other blog content, layout, photos, you name it and I compared, often falling short. My posts were never clever enough, my layout wasn’t as graphically pleasing and my photos weren’t the highest quality. So I did what I find myself often doing, I just stopped.
This got me to thinking, how often have I stopped (or not even began) something because I set my expectations to high from the get go. Because I have expected instant perfection and top notch quality. One of my biggest insecurities has always been falling short of my own expectations and comparing what I have to what others have. I remember growing up and always feeling like I was “behind” on what other people had. I remember in sixth grade wearing my older sister’s worn down, one size to big black Nike shoes and all the other girls wore new, white, pink stripe Adidas shoes. I wasn’t embarrassed, I just felt inadequate. I find myself still with these feelings as an adult and maybe they will never go away. Only now it isn’t old the Nike shoes, but more so my 500 sq. foot rental apartment compared to a friend’s beautiful, new 3 bedroom home. Once again, there isn’t a feeling of embarrassment, shame, jealousy or anger. It’s just a feeling of inadequacy, a feeling of… feeling behind.
My main issue with chasing perfection and playing the comparison game is that it takes away from your own (my own) potential to succeed. The truth is there is no such thing as “being on track” and there is no such thing as instant perfection. If you are always paralyzed with fear to begin you will never start. If you always are afraid to start or continue something because you have such high expectations or you feel like your efforts will be inadequate then you. will. never. grow. Not succeed, but grow. Success isn’t the goal, but more so growth, experience, betterment. Those are some good goals.
So I am encouraging myself to get back to writing. Get back to blogging. I’m encouraging myself to feel proud of those ugly black Nike shoes. Why? Because I am good at it. Because I will never, ever be the best and that is okay. This blog, much like life, is a work in progress. My posts might not be perfectly themed. My content might not be published on a regular, timely schedule. My photos and links might be broken but that is okay. We’re a work in progress.